Predicaments and Ponderings Blog

Where do you start with a subject this broad? People? Places? Events? Sheer luck? It was a hard decision, and I wasn’t allowed to narrow the topic down. And how could this affect my writing career?

Lots of questions. I know. I teach at conferences, and I try to stress that questions, especially in the first paragraph, are not good. The reader gets to that first question mark, and their mind begins to churn to answer. Their eyes keep reading, but their brain is stuck at that first question mark—pondering, churning, thinking. Result – Lost reader.

What do I do but give you multiple questions to fry your brain? It is what I do, I suppose.

Still, this subject had to be broached, and the best I could do was offer an opening disclaimer. Family is a given. Of course, my parents, my brother, and my husband have changed my life. Without a doubt, my children have guided me to change. My sisters-in-law and my daughters-in-law. So I give them credit right off the bat and then move ahead to other things and folks outside of the obvious, who have made a significant difference in my life. I hereby acknowledge them and the changes they have made in my life, and I appreciate them. But onward.

So, where do we begin? (Another question. I can’t help it. This subject just screams questions.)

I leaned back in my desk chair, and the very first thing that popped into my head was a sweet friend. We’ve only known one another for a few years, but I can say, without a doubt, that when I think of people and things that have changed my life, she stands out above the others.

NUMBER 1: Dawn Harvey - Dawn earns the number one slot, and I know she’ll buck because I’m placing her on a pedestal. She hates crowds and struggles to walk into church because there are people there. Her favorite spot is the back row, yet despite her fear, she greets everyone with a smile. She knows them by name, and she knows “about” them. Her eyes focus on theirs, and her love consumes them. When you talk to Dawn, you have her complete and undivided attention. That means so much in a world where folks think nothing of interrupting a moment. It’s a gift Dawn has. Some gifts are hard earned, while others...well...others are simply attributes. I know that when I sit down to chat with her, there is no one else in the world because she only sees me. Now, that may sound a bit selfish, but think about it. How often do you talk to someone, and in the middle of the conversation, you see their gaze move above your head or to the side? Suddenly, you feel like what you have to say is unimportant. When she talks to you...she talks to YOU.

Every time I look at her, I am amazed and touched by her astounding strength. She fights through her own fear so she can be present in the lives of others, and I love that about her. When we sit to talk, her questions are pointed and revealing for me. She forces me to stand straight in my shoes and walk through my own “stuff” with dignity and worth. We all have those things that we feel are unimportant to others, but most of us refuse to admit they are present in our lives, fearing that they will make us look “less” or weak. Not Dawn. She is a woman of valor, love, and continual fight, and she refuses to fall even when I know she may be struggling herself. She continues to give, to love, to push ahead. Dawn is a true-life example of being a soldier – loyal, faithful, and resounding. She’s been through “stuff” just like the rest of us. I mean, who hasn’t, right? But even Dawn doesn’t recognize her strength. And if she did, the woman would physically move a mountain. 

Wasn’t it Paul who said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Cor. 12:9 ESV)?

If I had to say WHO has made a real difference in my life, it is Dawn. I am grateful for her willingness to forge ahead, proving she will persevere even when things are hard. Her determination strengthens me, her love is unfailing, and her laughter fills me with joy. You don’t have to be famous or fancy. You don’t have to have an audience. You simply have to be who you are, and mountains are moved. I am grateful she is in my life. I fail her so often, being less than a friend I should be by falling to my fears, and truthfully, not always being present, but this is the one time I can say thank you. Thank you for making a difference in my life. You earned number one for a reason.

 Betty Van Lier – We lost Betty a few years ago, but this woman was and remains a true woman of God. My ministry partner, Eddie, and I met Betty some fifteen years ago at a conference in Colorado. She was amazing, and in her 80s, she was determined to publish a book. Her humor was sharp, her words perfect, and her love for the Lord unshakeable. Betty emailed me weekly just to tell me she was proud of me. She was the constant cheerleader who given the opportunity would have been on the field being tossed into the air, just because she could. I laugh to think about this sweet woman whose goal was to make others laugh. And the good Lord must have introduced her to Solomon because Betty was one of the wisest individuals I’ve ever known. When I write wisdom into my novels, it is usually derived from something profound from Betty.

We (Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas) published two of her devotional books filled with humor and laughter. Betty could market rings around the average author. Even in her golden years, she set up a table and sold those books during her local town festival days. In her 90s, Betty was more active on social media than most people in their twenties. This photo of her came from her Facebook page after she read my novel. What a trooper! If she didn’t know how to do something, she’d drag her grandson along to teach her. When I heard Betty had died, I was so sad for EARTH because we lost a warrior that day. We lost a friend. But I am sure God was prepared, and He had angels set up a table with her books on it, along with her little lawn chair, for all of heaven to enjoy. Betty, to me, was everything God wants us to be. She was HIM in every way. I hope I can emulate her for others as she did for me. I miss her weekly emails. I miss her. Betty changed my life for the better.

Yvonne Lehman – I stood in the back of a conference room and watched this zany, fun lady lead the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. “I wish I could just be her friend.” That was my thought. I just wanted to know her and her curt, honest, and hilarious ways. I had no idea what God had in store for me when, by chance, Yvonne chose me. “Sugar, I want you at my house next month for writers group. Can you come?” I nearly died. It was like the president of the United States had invited me to the White House.

Yvonne saw something in me, and she reached out, took me by the hand, and said, “I’m going to pour all I can into          you so you can pour into others.” And she did. We became best friends. Yvonne was a mentor, a friend, and a business partner who never allowed me to miss a beat. We traveled together, worked together, and taught together. She guided me and protected me because she thought, “my mountain girl personality” would be run over by “them city folks.” I talked to her two weeks before she passed. I’d heard (because Yvonne never shared anything about illness) that she had been in the hospital. When we spoke, she laughed and blew my concerns off as me worrying to much about a “more mature woman.” (If you knew Yvonne, you get that remark.) She assured me she was fine. Told me she loved me and two weeks later, walked into the arms of Jesus. Something she was always excited to do. So, when she died, I felt like a small portion of my heart died along with her. I can honestly say that I am the writer I am today because Yvonne poured her heart and soul into teaching me. She believed in me, and though she was a tough bird, the love she shared was as gentle as that of a kitten. God granted my desire—to just be her friend. I was and will always be blessed.

There are folks in all our lives who make a monumental difference. Our problem is we fail to tell them. I’ve begun to be more vigilant about telling folks what they mean to me. Thank goodness I had that privilege before I lost Betty and Yvonne. Now, Dawn knows. It’s those sometimes chance meetings that shape us. It’s those moments when a much-needed word, a smile, or a touch turns everything around.

Who are the people who have changed you for the better? Here comes the questions…I know…more questions.

Have you told them? Have you singled them out and shared the moment they impacted you?

If you haven’t, do. Life is too short not to make the time. Not share those life-changing things. Make a difference. Tell them.