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Reality for Me
Wednesday, August 17, 2022 by Cindy Sproles

So here's what's on my peabrain today. I would never profess to be the perfect Christian...As we say in the mountains, Lordy no! In fact, I'm probably still a bottom dweller sleeking up the side of the tank and licking the glass. Sorry, it's all I could come up with as an example. All this to say, that if I, or any of us, who profess to be Christian, think we're at the top of the tank, I would hope the sides of the glass would be slick enough to slide us down a notch or two. (Again, sorry for the analogy:~)
 
Confession time: I've fought for the last year with a crisis of faith. Not the kind where we question God or our belief
in Him, but the kind where we ask, am I really good enough?
 
If you know me, you know these facts:
  1. I'm hearing impaired. 60% loss in my right ear and 40% in the left. If you're behind me and speak, I may just keep walking. Not to ignore you, but that I simply didn't hear you.
  2. I have a cognitive learning disability - it's a comprehension issue. This makes me a slow reader, having to backtrack and read and re-read things so that my brain absorbs it. By all due rights, I shouldn't be able to write novels...but God. Right?
  3. I'm a bit of a worrier. I try not to be, but when I lay down at night, that's the time the evil one attacks. He places doubt and fears in my head - things I literally lay awake trying to thwart by repeating the 23rd Psalm. (A good reminder, by the way)
  4. AND I'm a little weak on the confidence scale.

So, you may wonder with these issues, why would a crisis of faith exist? Well, it's a weakness and one that the evil one uses against me constantly. But this is what a wonderful God we have. Hang with me.

As I struggle daily with the "Paul syndrome (the thorn in the flesh), I wonder if anything I say or does makes a difference in the Spiritual realm. Does God roll His eyes at me when I make efforts to do for the Kingdom and if He doesn't then why on earth doesn't He remove the thorns and let me do what I feel in my heart He is calling me to do?

AND THEN, this happens, where I'm wondering again, "Lord, am I good enough? I feel so inadequate. I feel the eyes of others rolling when I walk away." And my phone dings with a message from a sweet man my friend Lori and I are mentoring and coaching in the writing world. He sends me a picture of a book very similar to his and says, "I'm wondering if the boat has sailed."
 
Then there was God who filled me with angst against the evil one and who said, "Have him call so WE can talk to him." And I obeyed. My phone rings, and for the next few minutes, words of encouragement poured from my heart. Things like, Ecclesiastes, where the writer says, "There's nothing new under the sun." And then God said, what is new... is you. I can use it all. When we do what we are called to do, nothing can thwart Me.
 
I hung up the phone and sat at my desk. I looked at my hearing aids, not yet in my ears and I looked at the novel transpiring from my imagination to the page and I heard God speak to my heart.
 
"Oh child, just because you do not hear well on earth only means, your ears are fine-tuned to me. You hear me when others cannot. And the words on the page - they are there because the comprehension disability makes you slow down, ponder, and pay attention to the words I'd have you write. Don't they turn out well?
Oh, and we take the worry... to wonder. That's where we dig deeper together and where I grasp your hand tighter. I know you feel me holding on. AND confidence...ppphhhhhffff. I am your ability. Confidence is another word for trying to do it on your own. You and I, do things together.
 
Wow. I think of Paul..."in my weakness I am made strong," and I see that what I call thorns, are really tools.
 
Next time you start to question your worth ...pay attention to the unworthiness and see how God uses those things to His glory. He loves working possible in the impossible.
 
And so...I am happy. Are you?
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Comments

Jessica Brodie From South Carolina At 8/18/2022 11:59:47 AM

Amen -- my thorns are actually tools. Thanks be to God! Excellent encouragement. God bless you!

Reply by: Cindy Sproles

They are. Stinkers hurt too! lol.

Anita van der Elst From Buckley, WA At 8/18/2022 11:38:44 AM

My ears are relatively fine, but oh, my heart needed to "hear" this message today. Thank you, Cindy.

Reply by: Cindy Sproles

And so we listen together...we'll hear. We will. :)

Cyn Taylor From Knoxville At 8/18/2022 10:30:29 AM

You will not believe how helpful your words were to me this morning. Thank you so much for continuing your personal journey. Cyn

Reply by: Cindy Sproles

Awww...well, we help one another.

Bruce Shank From Celebration, FL At 8/18/2022 9:57:19 AM

Cindy, I really appreciated reading your devo today. It was very inspirational. Thanks for sharing what was on your heart.

Reply by: Cindy Sproles

Thanks Bruce. Thanks. That means a lot.

Rhonda Arnold From Kingsport At 8/18/2022 8:18:19 AM

Beautifully written Cindy!!!

Reply by: Cindy Sproles

Thank you.

Nancy Williams From Johnson City At 8/18/2022 6:34:26 AM

Good morning, Cindy! Your words and mine are echoing across our mountains! Woke up to discouragement until I read 1Chronicles 22:13b and your blog. No, we are not adequate, but God is. Blessings to you! https://lightbournecreative.com/2022/08/15/the-privileged-life-overcoming-a-hidden-disability/

Reply by: Cindy Sproles

Thanks.

Mountain Breeze Writer


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