Sometimes we simply need to seek peace. It’s one year from the first brain surgery. One year ago, when I couldn’t walk a straight line or hear over the internal sounds of my heartbeat, blood pumping, and footsteps. My world was so noisy and I longed for peace and quiet. The creativity I once possessed, wained.
Drilling into my head wasn’t the answer I sought. After all, God can just snap His fingers and fix things, but that wasn’t His plan. He needed me to walk a different path. He wanted to groom me for something that, well. . . is truly yet to be seen.
My prayer became pleas for protection, healing, and – peace. I wanted quiet. I longed to hear the inspiration of the words I needed to write. If I had a story to tell, I couldn’t hear it over the chaotic noise in my head. I tried to write. I tried to put good words on the page and though I never missed a deadline, the words were . . . less than adequate. I saw the one thing I loved so much, slipping away. My writing.
There were times Jesus secluded Himself. Times He felt and longed for quiet. In the thick of His ministry, thousands swamped Him, pleading for a touch of His healing. Physically and mentally, He grew weary and He would retreat alone to spend time in prayer with His Father. We don’t know the prayers Jesus offered up during those times. Perhaps, for His compassion to remain intact, maybe physical strength, or just peace and quiet. Maybe He, like me, may have seen some of His ministry slipping away. We know He needed to renew and recharge.
I prayed for His inspiration and then on this anniversary after surgery, I woke up to this on my heart. Rest my love. I have called you to rest for a time. In the peace, you will find the words. Rest.
For the first time in months, I rose up, grabbed my computer and wrote His words from my heart. Writing is taxing on the soul. It drains us physically and mentally, but there are times, even when we don’t want to do it, that God requires we rest our physical mind and body. We have moments when we claim the work as our own instead of His by divine inspiration. It’s not permission to quit, rather it’s a time to be still and listen. Re-prioritize. Let Him fill our presence and our being. Let Him be Lord over the writing.
Today, God led me to rewrite the prayer Jesus taught so it applied to my writing season.
Give me this day, Lord, my portion of words. Please, in your mercy, forgive my sins and guide me to forgive others – even when it’s hard. Protect me from Satan and the things he entices me toward: jealousy, selfishness, impatience, judgment, manipulation of my time.
For You, O mighty God. . .You are holy. May I be teachable and acceptant of your will in my life, especially when I do not understand the path You have me on. May I give the words of my heart over to you fully that they may be forged within your will. Will you bless them, Oh God? For, Lord God, the words are yours and this is YOUR kingdom from now into eternity. I am but the tool. Use me. Amen. And Amen.
Take time to re-read the prayer Jesus taught, then rewrite it to fit the cry of your own writing story. He will hear and answer.
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